The second wave

It’s coming back,

No wait,

It’s coming up…

again…but the feeling is more intense than ever.

You’re suppose to fade,

Fade away from my mind,

Into darkness,

Memories should fade.

But they haven’t.

They bleed through my shirts,

Creating red marks to indicate my soft heart,

I’m forever marked.

By…you.

Never again beside you.

Funny how I could never write you real poetry,

Now it’s all coming from my heart,

Pouring out,

It’s rolling off my tongue,

I’m losing my ability to speak with that accent you taught me.

Mariachi’s – they seem to be everywhere,

I wish I could remember your favorite Mariachi…

…but I can’t recall, probably because I was huffing in your car,

about something new I was mad about.

New lips,

New skin,

I still can’t get you outta my head.

You run my mind,

And I re-run, re-play that song over in my head,

Hoping you’ll hear my anthem,

But instead you just visit me at nights with nightmares,

Horror stories,

Sometimes of our past,

Typically about your present.

But still, you never leave my mind,

Never leave my heart.

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A broken piece of glass

G: youre gonna be that revengeful
  youre not even gonna tell me you love me?
  this is part of out issue jackie
  you get angry and you cant just put it aside for a second
  …………………………………………
 me: k
  love u
 
And that’s how I ended it… at 1:36 in the morning. “K love u.” 

You have the ability to become who ever you want…the choice is yours and it’s simple. 
(Left, obviously, “before”, right is “after”) Still trying to reach my goal of 120. 

You have the ability to become who ever you want…the choice is yours and it’s simple. 

(Left, obviously, “before”, right is “after”) Still trying to reach my goal of 120. 

“not really sure how to feel about it…”

All these questions running instead of my head…

—————————————————————————————————————-

When does love end? 

When do you stop your promise…

…when you promised you’d love ‘em forever? 

When does it stop

Does your heart allow you to do so, 

Or is the decision the indecision? 

Is it…

Is it when your heart beats fast for someone new? 

Trying to make it last all the way through? 

When do you feel it again?

And how do you know when it’s true? 

Villains and heroes, 

We’re all the same, 

But it doesn’t change…

It doesn’t change.

It might evolve,

or better adapt. 

Better. Adapt.

Better. Now. That. I’ve. Adapted. 

Skin has covered my sutures, 

Scarred skin, 

Beauty or damaged? 

Damaged. 

Damn-edged. 

The pain subsided,

The cuts hurt less,

The digs feel numb,

Reduced to one beat left, 

The left side of my brain couldn’t be more irrational,

and my heart couldn’t beat so different. 

How long will you stay? 

How long will you be here? 

How long will you remind me? 

Holding in your arms, 

a child, 

You two gazing at the sky. 

He points, 

You offer an explanation…

Innocence and you run. 

Left again. 

Part 1 

                                Some things cannot be explained.

          But you do realize that when things change you must adapt…or not. 

There are also choices when it comes to adaptation. Do you continue to live life               “miserably,” dully while constantly having negative thoughts surround you? 

Or do you choose to make changes, see your faults, while admitting you attracted the situation to yourself? Do you choose responsibility over past negligence? But at the same time forgive yourself and others in order to heal? 

                                              Choices.

I have learned through this process how important our choices are and especially the daily choices we make starting from the moment we wake up. 

Is your attitude where it needs to be? Are you happy? Are you thinking positive? Do you believe that something amazing will happen to you today? 

Are you going to eat something healthy and drink a glass of water to ensure your body has the proper nutrition to function in a healthy happy way? 

The point is, everyday, we make our choices to either get closer to our goal(s) or to keep us stagnate or even further away from our goal(s). 

Heart Murmur

Maybe love doesn’t fight,
Maybe it just gives up.

That cold air reminds that you won’t be next to me this winter.

I cannot bear to witness…

What giving up looks like:

Because I already feel it.

The cold air is nostalgia choking me,

Reminding me of a time ago.

Is this what love is?

Or is it insanity - please instead knock me with out amnesia.

Liar, liar, it makes, takes two.

One to believe, the other to make the mess.

I gave and you took,

You stole me with one look.

I gave you my world, whatever that was,

And you fed me,

Till my belly was big,

I ate it all until there was nothing left.

You tricked me,

Nothing was left.




Mmm.

So many things to write about my fellow followers. I’m sorry it’s been so long…

I was in a position in which I lost my morals, myself as an individual, and became all too wrapped up in a thing called love, or something like it. 

I think it’ll still take a while to really, truly understand what IT WAS but it’s going to take some looking on the outside too…I’m getting to that point, day by day but some moments can be difficult. 

I know, I know, all this ambiguity has got you wonderin’, but I promise I will be posting a new blog link - a entirely new blog dedicated and focused on my health as I am trying to re gain my health and also make it better as I “take it day by day.” 

…without her…

(Not just all this emo bull.)


Everyday, I only feel stronger, more enlightened and more able to control my emotions and feelings. As well as learning what amends I need to make with the people I hurt in this process of a relationship and making amends/forgiving myself to create a whole new universe; a whole new me, really. 

A quick video I slapped together (1st edit, maybe I’ll do a 2nd—still have more footage to look through) of the Avicii concert that happened this past weekend in Tucson, AZ. 

Share! 

My final documentary that premiered at the Loft Cinema in Tucson AZ, December 2011. 

This is a short personal documentary about traveling between my two parents, two different cities and feeling “in-between” two different cultures and identities.  

Please share and let me know what you think! 

It was reviewed in January (the review is below): 

  • In Between directed by Jackie Stubbs tells the story of her life living between her divorced parents. Most of the documentary consisted of interviews with her Korean mother, who she hadn’t seen in two years. The interviews were emotionally revealing and by the end of the short, I developed a fondness for her quirky mom. Nice background music, nice artsy shots, nicely edited for an effective conveyance of the feeling of her mother’s slower pace of life. A great soundtrack conveyed a variety of moods.

    http://www.moviereviewsfromaspiritualperspective.com/tucson-films/what